Sunshine Superman

I have no idea what my parents were thinking, I should probably ask them if they remember now. But back in 1968 when my brother and I were the tender ages of 9 and 7, my parents took us to the drive in where the feature show was "Night of the Living Dead."

I remember much of what I saw vividly, particularly the little girl eating her own mother's heart after killing her with a garden hoe. At this point I wonder if this really happened in the movie, but I'd swear it did, I suppose I should watch it just to see how accurate my memory is.

As you might guess my brother and I didn't handle this fare very well, and my parents ultimately had to make an early departure from the movie. We were there in my dad's old 1960 Ford Sunliner, this huge wide car that had holes in the floor (I used to love watching the pavement go by as we drove along.) I remember it swaying as we backed out of our spot and started to pull away.

At that moment my dad turned on the radio, and Donovon's "Sunshine Superman" was playing and the whole scene was cemented in my mind. The old heavy car swaying, the song playing, the images on the movie screen and the entire scene of all the cars at the drive-in in the dark.

I remember that I had nightmares for the next couple of weeks afterwards, but oddly, the memory of that moment when we were leaving isn't a bad one for me. I've got this song in my music collection and play it every so often. It reminds me of that time, that car, and so many other things.

Again I really need to see if my parents remember this. I know my kids are going to have moments they recall for us once they're grown up that will call our judgement into just as much question. Hopefully, though, like my memory of "Sunshine Superman" they'll have good memories that come out of those mistakes as well.

Plot Solving Rock

This weekend I was playing Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess while my kids watched.

So they're watching me make my way through an area they've already done, and out of nowhere this absolutely huge glowing volcanic rock drops down into the area I'm in. My reaction was "Woah! What the heck was that about?" when my middle son said "Oh, it's the plot solving rock!"

So at this point I stop playing and go "What?" And he told me "Don't worry, you'll find out later." I shrugged and continued, it apparently served no purpose at that moment and I proceeded with my playing.

At a later date the kids are watching me play again suddenly I found myself in an area where I need something to melt a frozen lake. My middle son says "Time for the plot solving rock!"

Ha! So that's it! It sure did seem like a clumsy contrived solution to the problem, and the kids saw it as such. I thought of the phrase "Deus ex machina." So I took the opportunity to explain what that means to the them.

But I have to say, I like the phase "Plot solving rock." It's easier to pronounce and conveys the idea as well. A new addition to the vernacular of our household.

A Grave Situation

I knew I was pushing my luck.

A month or so ago I ran out of methimazole. I take it when I am out of remission for Graves Disease. It's an anti-thyroid medication. But when I ran out, I got careless.

I had been down to 5mg a day and my thyroid levels had been good. Things at work were busy, and I really meant to call in for a refill. Instead I delayed and delayed and after a while I thought I'd just let it go and see if I was in remission.

I keep track of my heart rate as the primary warning sign when things start going south. And over the past couple of weeks that and the usual constellation of symptoms started flaring up.

Elevated resting heart rate, difficulty sleeping, my hand tremor returned, it shows itself most strongly when I'm eating as I approach my mouth with the utensil. (When I was in the worst throes of Graves Disease back in 2005, I could not eat soup at all!) Then this past weekend, the irritability set in. Time to call for a refill.

I didn't want to talk to my endocrinologist about it, just wanted to get the prescription. I didn't want to get lectured, and I didn't want to have yet another discussion about doing radioactive iodine to eliminate the problem permanently.

Fortunately just a quick request online and I got my refill.

The reason I'm resisting killing my thyroid gland is partly because of my Dad's advice. He had Graves Disease in his mid 30s and had a thyroidectomy. Since then he's had to take thyroid supplements, that's nearly 50 years now, a situation he recommends against.

On top of that it's actually not the thyroid itself that is misbehaving. It's the immune system. You start producing something that ends up activating the same receptors on the thyroid as the TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) that is pumped out by the pituitary gland. This immune system misbehavior comes and goes, and its arrival seems to follow very stressful times in my life. (1st a job change in 2004, then a very stressful situation at work in late 2007, then another job change late in 2008.)

So I figure if I can ride it out using anti-thyroids and get into remission and try to avoid excessive stress, I can keep my thyroid gland and avoid taking pills for the rest of my life. I figure it's better for my body to produce and regulate its own thyroid levels than to take a fixed dose of some synthetic hormone that needs regular monitoring to see if your using the right amount.

So it's back on the methimazole. But at least I'm lucky. My physiology is such that I do not get the eye component of the condition. (That did happen to my brother.) So no bulging eyes for me.

It's annoying to have to go back on it, but I'll take this over the nuclear cocktail, as my dad likes to call it. I'm kind of attached to my internal organs and would like to keep them for as long as I reasonably can.

No Money for Food

There was a time in my life where I had run out of money due to some unfortunate circumstances. I was working, but a financial emergency had taken all I had, and I had no money for food.

As it was I had been financially strapped, I actually bought food based on calorie content. Just 17 cents for 400 calories of ramen was a good deal back then. So it wasn't like I had alot of money for food, but then I was out of cash and the cupboards were nearly bare. I wasn't going to be paid again for another week or so.

So I ate what I had. Flour. I made what a babysitter of mine had shown me as a kid for fun. She described it as food her mother ate when she was poor. You make a dough with water and flour. Boil it in water. Then serve it with butter and sugar.

I had the flour, but I think I was out of butter or margarine, and at this point I can't remember if I had sugar, but I must have had some.

So for about a week, this was what I ate.

When I think back, I probably could have asked for and gotten help from a friend, my parents, or even the government. But I was particularly proud, and embarrassed to find myself in that circumstance.

I think the easier your life, the more difficult it is to understand what it's like to live paycheck to paycheck. Having to skimp on the food you buy, or even going without is hard to empathize with if you've never had to do that.

So I appreciate what I have now and I understand what people are going through when the money is tight and employment uncertain. And I know from experience a few extra dollars a week can make a big difference when you don't have much to begin with.

A Contract for the Kids

Now that I have my first teenager I've been thinking a lot about how the frontal cortex is not fully developed until around the age of 25. (This was from that fantastic lecture series by Robert Sapolsky from The Teaching Company - "Biology and Human Behavior: The Neurological Origins of Individuality, 2nd Edition." Again, I highly recommend this course!)

I was thinking about coming up with a contract with my kids to sign, maybe when they start high school, or perhaps when they go off to college. Here's what I was thinking of including:

- Don't get married before 25.
- Don't have a kid before 25.
- Don't get a tattoo before 25.
- Don't get a credit card before 25.
- Do call us if you're ever in trouble.
- Never drive under the influence or ride with anyone under the influence.
- Always wear your seat belt or helmet.
- Always use protection no matter what the other person says.

Hmm. Maybe this is getting a bit long. And kids need to be able to make some of their own mistakes. I'm just trying to figure out how to minimize the possibility of the biggest ones.

I need to mull it over a bit more. I've got another year and a half before my oldest heads off to high school. Probably the best next step is to work on what it should contain together and see if he has any ideas and if he has any questions about what I already put on the list.

Ah, the grand experiment, parenthood. In 20 years I'll let you know if this made any difference. And even then I probably won't be able to be certain. :)

No Corners

After this historic election, reading things on www.factcheck.org, talking with friends, reading comments online, it's amazing how polarized things get.

As if we were all so different. In reality most of us are trying to do good things with the best of intentions. That's why when people try to demonize people on the other side of a political stance, to me it feels contrived, like so much hyperbole.

This reminds me of the old Tom Lehrer line he said before his song "National Brotherhood Week." "There are people out there that do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!"

But seriously, back in my 20s I came to the realization that no one has the corner on the truth market. Most of the polarizing arguments represent a false dichotomy presented in a very biased fashion by both sides.

Fundamentally I think people find clear cut divisions more appealing than fuzzy gray areas and I suppose that's why the divisions we see out there develop and are played upon.

My thought is a little doubt goes a long way. If you're willing to think about the possibility that you may be wrong and look at not just the other side of an argument, but at what might be between those points of view, in the process you'll come to a deeper understanding of your own beliefs and learn more about others as well and possibly come to a new solution even if you simply end up reaffirming what you believe in.

Bottom line - anything worth believing is worth questioning.

Great Article on Credit Default Swaps

On the way home from work on Friday I listened to a fantastic article on NPR about Credit Default Swaps. Sounds really exciting, I know. :)

Here's the article, give it a listen, it's really eye-opening!

As I listened to the article, it became clear to me, at least in part how the economy got to this point. Years of sub-prime mortgages had a large number of families living on the edge. Those same families probably had little to no savings as well.

Although we already had more foreclosures than usual, when the cost on gas and other goods went up substantially people barely hanging on couldn't any more.

The massive amount of foreclosures starts breaking the chains of Credit Default Swaps that have been building up and it all starts unraveling. Poof!

Hindsight is 20-20 of course. If more people were more cautious fiscally and had savings to tide over rough times, if sub-prime mortgages were much more cautiously granted, and if there was complete visibility of the Credit Default Chains, we'd be better off.

I understand there were many other factors, but it seems that at least these three are obvious and actionable. It will be interesting to see how it all plays out.

And every day I think how much my Mom influenced my financial thinking. Thanks to her we have no worries because the idea of being financially stretched makes me itch. Thanks Mom!