No Rest for the Weary

With everything that’s gone on in my life, I’ve been thinking lately, it would be so nice to be able to just sit back and rest on my laurels. To have some time in my life to coast and bask in what I’ve gotten done, even if it’s just for a little while. It seems like it would be such a luxury, it’s hard to understand why more people, particularly those who have made great achievements, don’t do it.

It was interesting to see that Lance Armstrong is coming out of retirement. Talk about someone with nothing to prove. I wonder, is it what helped him achieve what he did that drives him to come back? Is it ever really possible for the most extraordinary achievers to be able to let go and just bask for the rest of their lives?

It’s funny. All my work life has always been about focusing on the job at hand. What needs to get done, how can we do it better? I am about as non-political as you can get, and I am not ambitious in the ladder climbing sense. My driving interest is taking what I’m responsible for and optimizing how it gets done and getting it done better. It’s what keeps me going at work.

Now multiple times in my life I have run into situations where this isn’t enough. I’ve proved my worth at work by delivering and going beyond on what’s needed from me. But time and again I’ve found myself in a situation where there was more than that to deal with.

To be honest I’m having a difficult time getting a handle on describing this, so the best way to go is probably an example.

When I was in the military, I knew my stuff. I certainly was not the best of the best, but I could figure things out better than most. But the pattern that I eventually noticed was that each time I started working with a new guy, or went to a new command, I had to prove it all over again. No reputation for being good carried along with me like it did for guys.

Was it because I hadn’t earned it? No, because every time I proved myself to someone new I eventually gained their respect and reliance on my skill. But I could see that this was something I was going to face again and again throughout the rest of my military career. Practically every new guy I interacted with I’d have to establish my reputation all over again. The idea just wore me out.

I finally decided that I had nothing to prove. Not to any more guys in the military, to no one. My life wasn’t going to be about proving a woman could do a technical job well. My life wasn’t going to be about proving a point about anything to anyone that did not relate to just getting the job done. From that point on I was going to find settings that accepted my competence and skill and appreciated it when I delivered. I was not going to bash my life out against the brick wall of other people's preconceptions or hidden motives.

So I recognize that this desire to be able to rest on my laurels has its roots in what’s happening right now in my life. Just like it has before, I can feel that something beyond doing my job is going to be demanded of me, and it makes me feel tired. Does it always come down to this? So far it seems it always does eventually in every environment I’ve worked in.

So I envy those who get to sit on their laurels, and wish I could do that too for just a little bit. Instead there’s no rest for the weary yet again.